Golden Brown

Recently, I've been rediscovering a whole host of things. In paging through a poetry anthology, I came across ten lines of literature that I was once required to memorize, and the rediscovery reminded me of how much I enjoyed choosing the poem in the first place. While sitting in the preschool nap room, I heard some strangely familiar German lyrics emanating from the stereo, and I was reintroduced to a long-forgotten piece of music. And this past Saturday, I made the most important rediscovery of all. I have rediscovered Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. Things will never be the same.

The light, flaky crust that turns golden brown if your toaster is on just the right setting; the thick filling, smooth enough to convey the flavor but not the texture of actual fruit; the icing, conveniently included in an individual packet so that you can decorate your strudel to your heart's content - these elements create prepackaged perfection.

I don't want to hear about their sugar content or the fact that frosting is never an ideal breakfast topping. I don't want to hear about the miniscule percentage of real fruit in the fruit filling. I don't want to hear about the detrimental effects of preservatives and how you once knew someone who kept her box of strudel in the freezer for five years before eating one and, really, anything that can stay good for that long can't be healthy.

I just want someone to confirm that a Toaster Strudel is somehow, miraculously, the best possible breakfast selection you could make. I mean, I'm sure of it already, but if you provide corroborating evidence, I just might give you a prize, perhaps one involving a flaky golden brown crust and an individually packaged dollop of icing.