29 September 2005

Patos Bilingües

We walked one by one down the locker-lined hallway, attempting to traverse the short distance between the cafeteria and the playground in silence. “Hey, Emily,” said an impish blonde lad disregarding the rules somewhere behind me, “I bet you can’t speak Spanish.”

I turned, looking down at him from my immense height. “Un poco,” I replied with a grin. This was kind of the equivalent of sticking my tongue out at him in jest; I am so mature.

“Very funny,” he responded with a rueful smile. This was kind of the equivalent of, “Touché,” in first-grade-speak

An even blonder lass piped up: “I can speak Spanish.” And then she led the younglings in a rousing recitation of, “Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis…” as we paraded through the hall, twenty bilingual ducks all in a row.

25 September 2005

Playing Dress-Up

Ali bought me a gift at the St. Kate's bookstore, her place of employment, the other day. Halloween merchandise is on display, you see; yes, it's apparently Halloween season already. (Actually, according to the decor at Marshall Field's in the Maplewood Mall, Christmas is just around the corner. It's nothing against Christmas - don't get me wrong, I love twinkly lights and evergreen-scented candles and all that - but in September? Really?)

The gift - a lovely bracelet, comprised of alternating distressed black spherical beads and weathered white miniature bones, strung on a band of black elastic. It has inspired me thusly: for Halloween, I shall either be a character from the Flintstones or a Goth.

Which one, which one?

24 September 2005

The Wee Ones

On Friday afternoon, I arrived at work in time to witness the kindergartners' encore performance of a dance piece they had improvised a scant hour before. Eight miniature people frolicked among overflowing toy shelves and low round tables and tiny wooden kitchen appliances, oblivious to everything but the music. Sometimes they waved their hands together in the air; sometimes they broke it down individually with signature moves. But when the chorus came, they were all there together, clapping and speak-singing along with slightly mistaken lyrics: "Let's get it started... HA [clap]! Let's get it started... HA [clap]!" All this goes to show that the wee ones can be both crazy and wonderful.

On Saturday evening, Ali and I made it to the street outside the Fitzgerald Theatre in time to score prime bench space near a large bank of speakers. We were there to hear the season premiere broadcast of A Prairie Home Companion; the free outdoor broadcast was followed by a street dance and a five-dollar meatloaf supper. Yes, meatloaf. I'm ashamed to say that we caught Garrison Keillor in a lie at the show's opening. He claimed that those outside needed parkas, that it was a wintry forty-five degrees. In truth, the air was humid, and tiny drops of condensation, miniscule particles of fog, floated around us. We listened to fiddles and dialogue and sound effects from the cast inside, and watched another cast of unscripted characters mill about: three children in orange shirts dancing in the street before the band was even playing, a father allowing his daughter to slide down a nearby hill despite the rapidly-growing mass of grass stains her khakis sustained, a woman in a thick striped poncho and thicker eyeshadow tapping her foot next to her cowboy husband. All this goes to show that the less wee ones, too, can be both crazy and wonderful.

22 September 2005

Belated

It was my kitty's birthday this day, and I just realized that although a lovely telephone conversation was had and a lovely (I hope) boxed-up gift was sent, a lovely bloggy fuss was not made in her honor. Therefore, I am employing the power vested in me, Queen of this little online empire, to turn back the clock to the twenty-second of September and publicly proclaim the greatness of Caroline. (I'm kind of like Christopher Reeve in Superman, only I can't fly, even in my online empire.)

Happy Day, little Koo; I hope it was Most Splendid Indeed.

Storytime

When you write about everything at once, the details get lost.

There's the story you meant to tell about moving in, the one that filled you with such gratitude for C and J and the mothers who helped them clean before they left. See, you wanted to put your sweaters on a shelf in your closet, and you figured you should dust it off before setting out all your clean clothes, so you sprayed lemon Pledge on the shelf and stood on your tiptoes to wipe it down with a clean paper towel, and when you finished you glanced at its white surface and saw only a damp handprint without so much as a speck of dust.

There's the story you made sure to remember word-for-word, the one that showcases the most imaginative six-year-olds you've ever seen. There are three of them, rambunctious boys who are terribly sweet and sweetly terrible by turns, and one day you overheard their game of pretend:

"I'm a haunted armadillo."

"I'm half-scorpion and half-skeleton."

"I'm a... I'm a knight... and I'm an elf [motions to ears]... no, I'm not an elf, but I have a sword."

You hid your smile fairly successfully until the end of the day, when the first young lad turned to you: "Don't forget, I have cannons that come out of my shell."

Of course. How could you forget? "How many?" you ask, oh so serious.

"Two, or one. Depending on what I want." Naturally.

And then there's the story you don't really know how to share, the one that leaves you with blurry vision and foggy mind. It's the story that makes you think about heartache and how it's not so much an ache as a tightening, as though the raw pain touching those you love puts its hand around your heart and squeezes a little, and it's not a story you enjoy telling, but it's one you think your friends should hear, so you go ahead and put it out there and hope.

It's time to get back to the details in their proper order; your regular Never Ruthless service resumes starting now.

13 September 2005

Supremely Sketchy

I am no longer accessing wireless internet in Panera; paying $2.27 for a mug of tea and half an hour online was more than I could stomach this evening.

I am now in the parking lot outside Panera, two slots away from the restaurant, leeching internet thusly. I am sitting behind the driver's seat in the van, typing on my laptop and looking up every fifteen seconds, fearful of the threatening approach of some aproned worker.

Sketchiness, thy name is Emily.

11 September 2005

And We're Back

(The royal we, anyway.) Yes, after a total of seven days in St. Paul, I have returned to SE for the ever-anticipated sequel, "Move In Part Two: Don't Forget the Pots and Pans". In addition to all of our cooking implements, I'm here to fetch a ready-to-assemble-with-only-a-screwdriver-and-brute-strength desk, work shoes and a rack on which to place them, the boxed set of Alias Season Three, any number of home beautifying items, homemade salsa and store-bought spaghetti sauce, and several other odds and ends that I have written down somewhere but will likely forget anyway. The absentmindedness is not wholly due to my natural lack of organization; it's been quite a busy week, and I'm feeling just a wee bit frazzled and hyperactive. What's been going on, you ask? Well, let's see...

We moved into our new house last Saturday in the pouring rain. When we departed from SE caravan-style, the day was summary and hot; Ali was driving Ian's old car, a '96 Achieva devoid of air conditioning, and she was less than thrilled. As we continued down the road, however, the sky turned dark and ominous. Because of the relative turtle-like speed of the enormous U-haul Pat was driving, our chosen route was a bit roundabout. 'Twas a good thing, too - as it turns out, we managed to drive around the bulk of the hail-and-thunder storm that descended on the Metro area. All the rain couldn't be avoided, however, and soon our little line of cars was weaving through city traffic with windshield wipers going full force. Poor Michal hadn't really figured how to operate the wipers in her Prius, and was therefore reduced to turning them on manually every two seconds or so.

We made it to the house without incident - no getting lost, no breaking dishes, no losing boxes out of the back of the U-haul (my greatest fear). Knowing that the storm would take quite a while to move along, we went ahead and unloaded everything despite the downpour, piling boxes and suitcases and furniture on top of old comforters protecting the hardwood floor.

The house itself is way nicer than anything I have a right to own. It's a small brick and stucco structure with a finished basement and a two-room second floor. Casey and Julia, the former owners (Julia graduated from SEHS three years before I did), spent the last three years fixing up everything in the place. The walls have been repainted, the floors have been refinished, the fireplace has been refitted with a gas insert. Ali and I are unable to outfit our house in the garage-sale manner that we had anticipated; our furnishings need to feel at least only slightly uncomfortable around the high-quality window treatments that C and J left.

The establishment is set up thusly: when you walk in the front door (no doorbell; you'll have to knock), you're in a large room with light oak floors and walls that look beige in shadow and gold in sunlight, which runs the width of the house. The dining table is set up directly in front of you, and the chaise lounge (a family heirloom stolen from Michal's bedroom), couch, and rocking chairs (pilfered from Pat's office) form a living room facing the fireplace to your left. Two doorways present themselves, one at the right of the room and one in the center. The right-hand doorway leads to the kitchen, which is all white tile and beige countertop and brick red floral accents. It's a small cooking space - definitely a kitchen for one, with a breakfast nook for two. If you glance out the back door there, you'll see our little fenced-in yard, complete with round picnic table and fire pit, and our miniscule two-car garage. You'll want to be careful pulling in; the side of the van has scraped against the wall already. The stairwell to the left of the backdoor leads down to the basement, which is carpeted with nubby oatmeal shag. The laundry room and utility rooms are down here, as is a well-lit bathroom bathed in bright yellow paint. Our tiny TV is here, too, along with various and sundry random pieces of furniture we've scrounged. We haven't spent much time down here yet - no cable yet, you see. Internet access is nonexistent in our house, and will remain so until Saturday. This, as you might imagine, is less than peachy. Ali and I found a temporary remedy: Panera. Panera is a delightful chain "bakery-cafe" that serves soups, salads, sandwiches, and pastries. More importantly, it serves free wireless internet to all its customers. We've been snatching hours of free internet when we can, but, needless to say, I'm looking forward *very exceedingly much* to setting up our wireless network at home.

Back upstairs? Let's go through that center doorway in the living room. On your left is an empty purple bedroom, complete with jewel-tone rug and walk-in closet. We're supposed to have a roommate, but haven't really found one yet; anyone looking to live in a purple bedroom? Straight ahead is the linen closet and the second bathroom - green and white, with slightly poorer lighting but slightly more character. On your right, you'll find the stairs leading to the second floor, where you'll find Ali's light yellow bedroom (it used to be the baby's room), my medium beige room (it used to be the master bedroom), and a delightful cedar closet that could possibly be used as a sauna, if we had the inclination, a few tools, and loads of piping-hot stones.

So there's the twenty-cent tour. Come and visit us - it makes more sense in person!

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were spent fortifying the economies of Minneapolis and St. Paul. We bonded several times over with IKEA, the Mall of America, Circuit City, Office Max, and three different Targets. We drove to St. Kate's to figure the route. We drove to St. Thomas to figure out where to park. I met with my advisor and got my class schedule straightened out. You see, one of my courses had been dropped due to low enrollment, and I wasn't able to get into the other required courses offered due to a program restriction of some sort. I went into the office to get a special enrollment form to bypass this restriction and signed up for EDLD 801x: Leadership and Organizational Theory. Why was the program restricted, you wonder? Oh, my friends, that is a very intelligent question, one that I did not ask until after all the paperwork was completed.

The Ed School offers a variety of degrees, some of which require versions of the same classes. My program, the M.A. in Policy and Leadership, requires EDLD 801, while 801x is intended for students pursuing their M.A. in Police Leadership, Administration, and Education. Sooo... starting in November, I will be going to the St. Paul Police Station for four hours every Wednesday night, where I will take my Leadership class with a cohort of police students. "I normally have my students wear their badges," the coordinator told me as she signed off on my paperwork, "but you don't have a badge. I guess you'll probably just have to show your St. Thomas ID and driver's license, and you'll probably be escorted to your classroom." Fabi thinks I should get a badge. Frankly, I agree.

On Wednesday, Michal headed back to SE, Ali went to her first day of class, and I drove in commuter traffic to a job interview with a public-school-affiliated child care organization that serves kids from kindergarten through sixth grade (hereafter known as K-6). I parked in a Rainbow Foods parking lot since I couldn't find a spot on the street, dashed to the basement door in the rain, and took the elevator to the fifth floor. I didn't know it, but I would be in the building for over three hours.

The interview itself was with program assistant D and her superior R. They went over my resume ("From Sleepy Eye to Harvard?"), asked me about different work-related scenarios ("Two children want to play with the blue car and one hits the other with it. What do you do?"), and asked about my schedule. When they found out that my evening classes cut into the hours of their program, R suggested I apply to temp with K-6 and work days with a Head-Start-like program that takes care of infants, toddlers, and preschoolers while their teen mothers attend high school (hereafter known as ITP), and just like that we were off downstairs to tour their site. The whole time, mind you, I was terrified that my car was going to be towed from Rainbow. At the end of the tour, R called up program assistant S, who is in charge of ITP, and put me on the phone. "Why don't you go over to the Minneapolis Public Schools headquarters and fill out the paperwork there? Then you can come in tomorrow morning at 8.15 and we'll talk more at length." Fortunately, I had a map.

I drove through downtown Minneapolis to get to the MPS building. After filling out tax forms and background check information, I handed the stack of papers to the woman behind the desk. "Okay, now I'll take your fingerprints. We do the right hand first." That is how I found myself covered in ink on the day of my first Minnesota job interview.

I returned to ITP bright and early the next morning, commuting oh so joyfully in more rush hour traffic... and proceeded to work a five-hour day. And on Friday, I went back for more: five hours at ITP, followed by four hours of temping at K-6. I appear, then, to be employed. But how I am to be trained or paid has yet to be determined. Huh.

So that was my week. A weekend spent doing essentially nothing was most necessary, I feel, and that's exactly what I have been doing. Now it's off to fill out online loan documents and pack up the car for the return trip. Mustn't forget my school supplies - I become a grad student on Monday!

03 September 2005

And We're Off

In the very near future, two girls, one mother, and one father will set out in two cars, one minivan, and one U-haul for the two-and-a-half hour trek to St. Paul.

I, of course, will be behind the wheel of the van, Bessie.

If you see our caravan on the Minnesota highways, wave! And for the love of all things holy, do NOT try to get between me and the rest of the cars; I don't know where I'm going!!

Internet will be sporadic until after the holiday unless a) we are blessed with an industrious installer of cables and wires (dubious), or b) I go into withdrawal so severe that the 'rents have to take me to a coffee shop with WiFi (exceedingly likely). If you need me before then, ring the (malfunctioning and soon to be replaced) mobile, 'kay?

And a very happy first day of college to Tom, wonderful person that he is. I wish you all the things I wish for my brother, only not quite as sappily, because you're way tougher than Ian.

Holy Catfish, Take Two

I meant to go to bed early tonight, I swear. I had it all planned out - I'd be cuddled under my covers by half past one at the latest. Well... that hasn't exactly panned out. But it's all my own fault, really; I forgot about the missing doorknob.

I'd win any night owl competition with my family hands down. Pat's been asleep probably since ten, Ali turned out her light at eleven or so, and Michal disappeared at about ten past twelve. Even Chatty is curled up on an armchair in the living room, dozing under the glare of a forgotten floor lamp. Because tomorrow is a busy day, I forced myself away from distractions at 1.20. Time to wash my face and brush my teeth and wander up to bed.

Even though no one else is awake at this time, I locked the bathroom door behind me. Force of habit, I guess; I always slam the door and twist the iron latch that lies below the doorknob in one smooth motion. I mucked about with soap and lotion, rinsed my contact lenses in moisturizing solution, brushed and flossed my pearly whites. Then I turned to go, pleased at my relative lack of time wasting.

A slight problem: the bathroom door had no doorknob. It had a hole where the doorknob should be, and a rectangular rod (long and narrow, with a square face about a centimeter across pointing toward me) sitting within the hole where the doorknob should be, but no actual piece of machinery that could be twisted and pulled in order to open the door.

There used to be a doorknob. In fact, there was one up until yesterday. It fell off when Ali was in there, and she had to knock until someone came to let her out. We managed to reaffix the outer knob to the rod, but a screw was missing from the inner knob, so the single doorknob was just kind of shoved back into its hole looking like a lopsided barbell. Now it's rather deceptive; you forget that the doorknob is broken because all looks well from the outside.

So there I was, trapped in the bathroom at 1.30 a.m., with all my family sleeping soundly a floor above. Upon realizing the lack of doorknobery, I managed to gasp in horror and utter an appalled, "Shoot," at virtually the same time. That indulgence taken care of, I set about trying to figure out how to free myself.

First, I unlocked the door and tried to use the latch handle to pull the door open. No dice; the turning mechanism wasn't being moved, so the door wasn't budging.

Next, I looked down the laundry chute; it's a narrow tin tube that empties onto the cement floor of our basement. I thought I could possibly just brace my hands and feet on the sides of the chute and clamber down... but the basement lights were all off, and there's a heating duct tube that protrudes into the chute about halfway down so that even laundry gets stuck, and I'm a wee bit bulkier than laundry. That plan quickly went out the window.

"The window... hmm... I bet I could crawl out the window," I thought craftily. "I'm on the first floor, so even though there would be a five-or-more-foot drop from the window ledge to the ground [since our first floor is actually up several steps], I'd be perfectly fine. Good plan, Emily, good plan."

"Wait a mo'... It's 1.30. All the doors to the house are locked, and you don't have keys. Or a phone. Or any way of waking up the sleeping ones to let you in. Bad plan, Emily, bad plan."

I turned back toward the door, ruing my fierce desire for privacy. "I suppose I could sleep in here... the bathmat's kind of fluffy..." I sat down on the rug.

But I promptly stood up again. Give up like that? How could I?? I didn't have a tool kit or a credit card or a cell phone, but, dang it, this was a bathroom - surely there was some sort of implement I could use as a makeshift doorknob.

I reached into my makeup bag and pulled out the first shiny object I saw: my La Cross tweezer, a fabulous Target buy. Facing the knob-less door, I pinched the square end of the rod with the tweezer and twisted.

"Thud." The other side of the doorknob fell on the floor in the hallway outside the bathroom. Oops.

Too stubborn to give up because of a little thing like that, I continued twisting the rod, simultaneously pulling it toward me just for variety's sake. I felt a subtle shift in the mechanism... and the door opened! I was FREEEEEEEE!!!!

Yes, I just escaped from a locked bathroom using nothing but a tweezer. Take that, MacGyver.

02 September 2005

Holy Catfish

As of today, I am a homeowner.

As of today, I am debt-ridden for conceivably the rest of my life.

All in all, I think it's a fair trade.

01 September 2005

Limbo

I detest packing. Despise it. Hate it. Loathe it. Do not like it very much at all.

Today we have been packing up for Saturday's move. I have emptied five dresser drawers into my largest suitcase, wrapped china in newsprint with the kind of caution that stems from fear (if anything chips, it will be *entirely my fault*), and reorganized boxes to my heart's content. All this only serves to remind me of how much there is left to do. As you might know, I am not a fan of upheaval and change. I'm happy when comfortably settled into a new place, sure; it's just that the act of settling, well, unsettles me.

This explains why I am in such a good mood. I mean, technically I have not been packing for the past forty-five minutes. Instead, I have been on hold with Verizon, trying to determine why the orders Ali and I placed for new mobile phones (very necessary, as the old ones have decided that life isn't worth living any more) are stuck in limbo. It's actually my second call; the first woman with whom I spoke, while nice enough, gave me an telephone number that would direct me to the online department, supposedly.

It was the same number I had just called. I hung up and called it again.

I detest being on hold. Despise it. Hate it. Loathe it. Do not like it very much at all. And it seems that all my holding will probably be for naught, as the problem has to be resolved in the Massachusetts office, which is now closed for the day.

But there is a minute silver lining to this wretched stormcloud of an afternoon: my second customer service representative introduced herself as Graciela (which, for the uninitiated, is the name I persist in calling Meg's cat, in homage to a gravelly-voiced five-year-old her friend once met). How can I be too upset when the world so pointedly tries to amuse me?